My Buddhist Fear

No, this post is not about how I am afraid of Buddhists! That'd be silly, since I am a Buddhist. Discovering Dharma (the Buddha's teachings) is one of the greatest blessings I've had in my life, and I'm convinced that it is one of the greatest possible blessings in any life.

That is what this post is really about. In tonight's meditation class, our focus was on karma. We often think we know what karma is, but we really only use the term in a very superficial way. We say good stuff happens to us because we deserve it, and yet bad stuff happens because of everybody else. It doesn't work that way, friends! To borrow from Lama Surya Das, "If you plant apple seeds, you do not get lemon trees." If life is giving you lemons, that is old karma you are working out -- maybe from a year ago, 10 years ago, or 10 lives ago.

This sounds harsh, cruel, or depressing, doesn't it? We don't like thinking that the bad stuff that happens to us is our fault. Perhaps we should say that it is not so much our fault as it is where we ended up as a natural result of the course we've taken in the past. If you drive down the highway to El Paso, don't be too shocked if you find yourself in El Paso eventually.

But the law of karma is really good news. The good news is twofold:

1. The good stuff in our life is the result of some good seeds we planted sometime in the past. Though we cannot coast on that goodness forever, it shows that we are capable and have been capable of doing good things that bring us to a good place.
2. Regardless of who and where we are, we can sow good seeds for a good future. Since we can't put ourselves on cruise control and expect to become enlightened because of stuff we did in the past, it's a very fortunate thing that we can create positive karma to keep going the right direction.

In Buddhism, one of the most fortunate circumstances you can find yourself in is to be born as a human. Better still to be born as a human in a favorable situation for learning Dharma -- you are born in a land without war, a land where Dharma is known and available to practice, etc. Given that, the fact that the eight of us found ourselves in the meditation center tonight is the fruition of very positive karma!

So regardless of whatever imperfections my life has (and every life has many of them), I am lucky to have this opportunity. Clearly, I acted with enough goodness in the past to bring me here. That good momentum needs to be maintained, though, because even the best, most nobly-earned karma will be used up eventually.

What, then, is my "Buddhist fear"? It's hinted at in #2 above. If being born as a human is one of the best blessings on the Buddhist path, then being born as something else would be one of the worst. To be born as an animal would mean I'd be unable to hear and practice Buddhist teachings; to be born as a god would mean I'd be so concerned with godly pleasures that I would have no interest in developing spiritual practice. To be born as a human is a happy medium -- we have the tools and opportunities to learn spiritual teachings, and enough suffering in our life to fuel our passion for doing so. We've got the engine (Dharma) and the fuel (suffering) to propel us onward through the sky, like an airplane.

Thus my Buddhist fear is that despite the good momentum I've developed in the past, and am developing now, I may blow it someday. I could progress steadily for the rest of this life, and for a hundred more, moving closer and closer to enlightenment and pure, boundless compassion. And then in that 100th life, I might squander all the great fortune and endowments I'm born with, using them to cheat people, go on sexual rampages, or conquer the world at gunpoint. And all that good karma would be expended, and I'd be back at square one -- or worse, somewhere so far below square one that it would be an eternity before I'd accumulated enough merit to encounter the Dharma again.

Note to future-self: Don't blow it, Thomas!

(Photo courtesy of consumerfriendly.)