Monday, December 29, 2008

Things To Look At

There's a cool blog recently featured in the "Blogs of Note" section of Blogger.com, called Things To Look At. As the name implies, it is a blog of things... to look at. It's basically a stream of photos, mostly oriented on design and typography. I particularly enjoyed this post with portraits from Rolling Stone magazine.

But even if you don't care much for design, there are some really cool things to... well, look at. ;-) Go check it out!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Gratitude

Thank you, Siddhartha.


(photo courtesy of TheAlieness GiselaGiardino²³)

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas!

Just wanted to say Merry Christmas to all our family and friends, both here in the USA and abroad. 祝你圣诞快乐!


(image courtesy of Stuck in Customs)

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

A UU Christmas

Being a spiritual dabbler, I keep tabs on what's going on in the Unitarian Universalist world. I do feel a bit of kinship with UUs, since they try to promote open and balanced acceptance of all faiths. Their UU World magazine always has interesting articles, and this time around they have remixed an old tale to produce The Ghosts of Unitarian Christmas. It's long, but well-written, and sprinkled with moments that will encourage a soft chuckle here and there.
A man was pecking out a familiar melody on a piano. “James Pierpont, music director of his brother’s Unitarian church in Savannah.”

“That’s ‘Jingle Bells,’” Ben said. Then he got a sinking feeling. “We’re not responsible for ‘Jingle Bell Rock,’ are we?”

“Not even a little bit.”
The tale has two purposes, it seems: to raise awareness about the Unitarian (and thus the Unitarian Universalist) links to our modern Christmas culture, and to promote some measure of religious tolerance in the face of the ever-suffocating air of political correctness that surrounds Christmas.
[The ghost of Dickens said,] “When I wrote A Christmas Carol, I wasn’t really recapturing the lost spirit of Christmas, I was conjuring it out of whole cloth. My Christmas wasn’t about the birth of one sect’s savior, it was about the brotherhood and sisterhood of all people. It was about compassion and friendship and family. Universal values.”

“It was a Unitarian Christmas,” Ben realized out loud.
I wish more people could simultaneously respect the Christian side of Christmas (the birth of Jesus) and the more secular, good-will-on-earth side. I'm not a Christian, but I love Christmas. I'm not ashamed to say it, and I don't feel awkward when people wish me "Merry Christmas!" They could wish me a happy Hannukah, for that matter. The spirit behind the words is what matters most to me.
As they parted, she asked, “So, if not Merry Christmas, what should I wish you?”

“Peace on Earth?” Ben suggested.

“Peace,” Melanie agreed. “You can’t go wrong with Peace.”

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Winter Solstice

Happy Winter Solstice, everybody!

(photo courtesy of Serge Arsenie)

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Taking Things Personally

As I thought about posting this, I felt a twinge of guilt about writing yet another piece about The Four Agreements, my third blog post in a row about it. But hey, this is my blog -- I write about what's interesting to me and what's going on. This ain't CNN, I don't have to stick to a certain topic, right? So here goes!

I found a blog post over at Beliefnet about the "second agreement" in don Miguel Ruiz's book, The Four Agreements. This agreement (which you make with yourself) is: don't take anything personally. The post author (Therese J. Borchard) gives her perspective on this agreement, and how it has proven to be sound advice to keep in mind in her own life. It's definitely worth a read, regardless of how much or how little you know about The Four Agreements. Not taking things personally will save you a lot of drama, and she shows how it can work.
"When you have the awareness you will not choose to live in drama. You will choose to be happy. That will be your choice."
- don Miguel Ruiz, Beliefnet interview

Friday, December 19, 2008

Four Agreements Redux

I've been browsing around the web these last few days, to see what people think about The Four Agreements (the topic of my previous blog post). The majority of the response is positive, although there are some criticisms. That's only natural, of course! Some of these criticisms bothered me, so I wanted to point out some things.

A pretty balanced review of the book over at stress.about.com states that two of the agreements ("Be impeccable with your word" and "always do your best") have no real drawbacks, but the other two do. The reviewer does take issue with the agreement, "don't take anything personally":
While everyone has their biases and there is no such thing as true objectivity, by never taking anything personally, people can really limit their ability to see their own negative patterns and biased thinking.
This, and many other reviews I have read, misses a subtle but crucial point. Ruiz never says you should blind yourself, or (as lots of negative reviews claim) that you should disclaim all responsibility for your actions. The agreement is not "don't take any responsibility." It is "don't take anything personally." That means don't internalize the emotions, blame, praise, etc. that you encounter. If you make a mistake at work and it costs your business $10,000, of course you should accept the responsibility for it. But as Ruiz himself says, "true justice is paying only once for each mistake." Accept the responsibility for your (in)action, but don't beat yourself up over it or internalize the venom and poison that others may send to you because of it. Accept it, fix it if possible, and move on. This agreement could be rephrased as "don't carry emotional baggage that others try to foist on you." And certainly don't foist it on yourself with all the judging negativity you've accumulated in your head.

The reviewer also worries about the third agreement, "don't make assumptions." The reviewer warns:
However, taking this advice to an extreme may cause people to ignore their intuition about people, or common sense about someone's behavior that's damaging. It can also open people up to manipulation if they train themselves to believe someone's explanation of negative behavior rather than judging the behavior on its own.
Again, nowhere in the book does Ruiz say you should blind yourself to what's really going on. This agreement is about not kidding yourself. Just because the hot blonde cashier at Costco smiled at you does not mean the little runaway fantasies in your head are anything close to real. Also, you shouldn't assume that other people (such as your spouse) know what you are thinking, or that they should know what you're thinking. This agreement does not say you should lie to yourself about the facts of a situation before your very eyes -- it says you should be honest with yourself about what you know, what you don't know, and what's happening.

Finally, a reviewer over at Barnes and Noble's online store said that he (she?) couldn't understand why so many people like the book: "This book is full of very common platitudes and dangerously self-centered ideas." To the extent that The Four Agreements teaches you to follow your heart and break free of emotional turmoil imposed on you by others, yes it is self-centered. Usually self-help books are at least a little self-centered, by definition.

What many of the negative reviewers seem to miss is that the agreements should not be taken to extremes. Many wisdom traditions in the world -- such as Buddhism and Taoism -- strongly advise against extremes of any kind, knowing the problems which can result. "Be impeccable with your word" does not mean go around telling everybody their character faults which you can so clearly see. "Don't take things personally" does not mean throw your hands up in the air and avoid responsibility for everything. "Don't make assumptions" does not mean blind yourself to the facts or deny your own intelligence. Like anything else, the agreements must be tempered with your heart and wisdom.

There are flaws with The Four Agreements and some of the things Ruiz says, but that is of course to be expected. I'm certainly not going to take a bullet for the book, even though I do happen to like it a lot. Perhaps the biggest flaw of the book is that it doesn't do enough to warn against going to extremes -- a central tendency of human nature that often causes trouble. Though Ruiz himself warns against making assumptions, he does make one assumption with this book: he assumes that the reader has enough maturity to understand that life is about balance.

You should never follow any rules blindly, nor should you carry things to extremes; that includes The Four Agreements. Don't use the book's ideas as tools for justifying irresponsibility or for beating people over the head with. Use them to liberate yourself and to promote happiness, and follow them with your heart. That is the whole idea!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Four Agreements

Last week, when I was boxing up somebody's Christmas gifts to ship out, I noticed one gift that was not wrapped. It was a small book with a beautiful cover, called The Four Agreements. Being the book lover that I am, and being attracted by the southwest-y art on the cover, I read the summary on the inside flap and flipped through a few pages. It looked interesting and I had a good feeling about the book. I noted the title and dropped the book into the box with the rest of the gifts, making a mental note to find The Four Agreements at the library later.

A few days after that, I was browsing around a second-hand shop to see if they had any interesting books. It jumped out at me from the shelf: The Four Agreements. Some wear on the cover, and a few underlined passages in the text, but overall it was in readable condition. A good price, too: $2.99. I snatched up the book and took it home, eager to jump in.

Here we are, not even four days later, and I've finished the book. Sort of. It is a short book, about 130 pages. But like high-grade explosives, powerful things come in small packages. This book is spiritual C4: it will break down barriers in your mind and your heart, and blow open the doors of opportunity within yourself.

The Four Agreements builds a framework for discussing our world and our spiritual problems. The framework consists of "dreams" -- my dream, your dream, our family's dream, society's dream, etc. The author, don Miguel Ruiz, wants you to see that your world is your dream. A sunny day can be a happy one, or a sad one, depending on how you see it. A blustery, windy, snowy winter day can be happy or sad, productive or pointless, depending on your view and how you wield your energy. Ruiz also points out that we often play a game of spiritual bumper cars with everybody around us, because our dreams are usually not our own. Our minds and our hearts are owned by every parent, teacher, TV commercial, textbook, failed relationship, and experience that became ingrained in us and carried with us as mental luggage.

Not unlike Buddhism, the primary tradition I follow, The Four Agreements stresses the importance of letting go of all that old baggage. Let go of peoples' expectations, break the unspoken but soul-crippling agreements you've made with society and yourself. Ruiz offers four new agreements to make with yourself to replace all the old ones that make you suffer. They are:
  1. Be Impeccable With Your Word. Everything you say and do is a creative expression. It is the painter's brush, which can fill the canvas of your day with wondrous dreams or with hellish nightmares. Use your words and your actions to promote good will, for yourself and for others. Cast a spell of heaven, not a black magic spell of hell.
  2. Don't Take Anything Personally. The world does not revolve around you, and the things other people do are really their attempts at working through their own mental baggage. When people shout at you, they are actually just shouting at themselves -- or one of the voices they carry in their heads, perhaps a voice belonging to a parent or a distant memory of the past.
  3. Don't Make Assumptions. Kind of an extension of #1. Your mind can create whole fictions that are very convincing. Don't assume anything -- ask questions, make yourself clear, and all the drama and misunderstandings of your life will vanish.
  4. Always Do Your Best. Whatever your "best" is in any given moment, do it. Don't create unnecessary friction by resisting the things that must be done, and don't create guilt or problems for yourself later by doing things half-assed. This goes for everything from work, to school, to love, to taking a shower, to cleaning out the cat's litter box.
Reading any one page of this book will fill you with magic. Each time you open it and read a little, you will come away with a feeling of personal power. This is also a book to read many times, which is why I said I've "sort of" finished it. I find it necessary and helpful to go back and read earlier chapters, because they are illuminated by the later ones. The Four Agreements is bound in a series of linear pages, but in reality the book is a perfect circle that you can loop through again and again to understand things more deeply.

I'll keep "finishing" the book as the days and weeks go by, and perhaps post some further thoughts on it here. In the meantime, whether you think you have a happy life or not, I recommend this little gem. If nothing else, it will leave you with a sense of strength that can only make your daily life better.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Shoes

By now, you've all heard the news about Bush and the shoes:
President Bush made a valedictory visit on Sunday to Iraq, the country that will largely define his legacy, but the trip will more likely be remembered for the unscripted moment when an Iraqi journalist hurled his shoes at Mr. Bush’s head and denounced him on live television as a “dog” who had delivered death and sorrow here from nearly six years of war.
Whatever you think of the incident, does this mean reporters will now be required to attend Presidential press conferences barefoot? Will socks be allowed? If you ask me, the smell from most socks would be more deadly than the sole of an airborne shoe...

Side note: the follow-up reaction around Iraq is also interesting to read about.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Giving Up

Jonathan Mead, over at Illuminated Mind, has a good post up about the power of giving up. This isn't emo, depressive, fall-into-a-slump giving up. This is giving up stuff that makes your life unnecessarily cluttered, artificial, and unsatisfying. My comments on a few things he recommends giving up:

Give up your golden handcuffs. So many of us get stuck on the "shoulds" of our lives. I "should" be in the Army because that's what my father, my grandfather, my great-grandfather, etc. did. I "should" have a high-stress job that makes use of my fancy degree. Let go of the shoulds and spend more time enjoying life in simple, satisfying ways.

Give up trying to be important. (Focusing on community is usually more fulfilling.) To paraphrase Lao-Tzu in the Tao Te Ching: he who stands on tiptoes all the time cannot walk. We in America seem to have a disgusting aversion to even the most basic ideas of service -- what is so bad about serving your community, your city, your country? We seem to be allergic to getting our hands dirty in the slightest, when it is exactly that kind of effort that built this country and made it great. We leech off of that greatness today, coasting on it without really living up to the legacy, the "spirit of service" that bestowed it upon us. I get great satisfaction (though not great salary) out of my work helping people, giving them advice in my line of business, and providing the service that gets stuff done.

Give up caring about owning a lot of cool things, which keep you distracted from acknowledging that you don’t like what you’re doing with your life. Stuff is a distraction. You "should" own two cars and a huge, four bedroom house, because that's what Americans do, right? But you'll work yourself to the grave trying to buy, pay off, maintain, clean, repair, and protect these things. Just more golden handcuffs; just more of the same, selling your soul to your things, letting your possessions possess you.

Give up trying to be super happy all the time. Instead, settle for being peaceful. Amen to that. Being highly happy or satisfied all the time is just not realistic. It's just not the way our world works. But you can be peaceful, and unswayed by the "worldly winds" that blow you off course. Work with life as it is, spending less time in the constructed fantasies of the mind and more time in the real world. If you ask me, the nitty-gritty of the real world has a lot more texture, color, and flavor than any of my "what if" fantasy scenarios.

Jonathan has a lot of good suggestions, and by taking a few such ideas to heart in the past, I've freed myself of some mental baggage. Go take a look at his list and see which ones can improve your life.

* Photo courtesy of agent_of.chaos on Flickr.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Some New Mexico Pictures

Suzy and I went wandering around the river area near our new home yesterday, and we took a few photos. I figured I'd share a couple with you now. Enjoy! :-)

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Boink

Yay! I'm finally back online, after a bumpy Comcast internet installation. Suzy and I are fine and dandy in the USA. The flight from Beijing to San Francisco was pretty disappointing compared to the other 3 times I've flown Air China, but everything else went fairly smoothly.

I'm back at UPS working for the holidays -- after that, who knows! Hopefully I can stay there after New Year's, while I poke around trying to get a job that will support the two of us better. I'm thinking maybe Academic Advisor at UNM or CNM? I've applied for those, we'll see if anybody shows some interest once the holidays are through.

Also, geeky side note: Suzy and I got great deals on phones from Sprint. We added on to my mom and step dad's family plan, so it works out rather cheaply. We each ended up with a sexy LG Rumor phone, with 1.3 megapixel camera and slide-out QWERTY keyboard, for $30 a pop. Nice deal. :)

Dumplings are ready for breakfast. I'll post photos and interesting stuff soon!

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Takeoff for USA

Well, Suzy and I are on the plane and off to San Francisco! It's a long trip, around 11.5 or 12 hours if we stay on schedule. Even after all that, we'll be spending some time in San Fran before we take off for Albuquerque, and finally arrive late in the evening.

To all our friends in China -- whether Changsha, Guangzhou, Beijing, or elsewhere -- we'll miss you! But we'll be back eventually! And to all the people across the pond in the USA who helped make Suzy's visa and this whole adventure possible, thank you! We'll see you soon. :-)

Next blog post will be from the States. Hasta!

Monday, December 01, 2008

Beijing Weather

We leave Beijing today, and the weather should be pretty nice. Good thing we're getting out of here when we are. Take a look at the difference between today and Thursday! Holy Jebus.

Twitter and Terrorists -- Who are the real terrorists?

My heart goes out to those directly and indirectly harmed by the attacks in Mumbai. What I am about to say in the rest of this post should in no way be taken as an attempt at trivializing the sorrow and loss of everybody involved, nor should it be seen as my stance against legitimate anti-terrorism measures. My reason for writing this post is to make clear something that I do not believe to be legitimate.

Now that I've said that, it's time to rant. Actually, one more disclaimer -- this rant is based on an "unconfirmed" report that may or may not be true. But the report is so much in line with the way every government handles terrorism (and every other major political issue) that I feel my rant is still worth presenting.

Here's the relevant bit from socialmedian:
An unconfirmed report out of India has the Indian Government urging Twitter users to not share specific on the scene information, and further that the Government may be trying to block Twitter in India, or is asking Twitter to block Mumbai related tweets...

The interesting side of the report, read out on ABC Radio Melbourne at 3:10pm AEST (so no hard link, I just happened to be in the car at the time) is the notion that terrorists may be reading Twitter for intel.
Okay, first let me point out that many, many people involved in this tragedy found that their lives were saved by the quality and quantity of information they got through unofficial and uncensored sources such as their Blackberries, SMS, and Twitter. If you don't believe me, go look at the New York Times and see all their little profiles of the people who knew when and how to get out because of their cell phones and the net. Maybe they don't want people sharing "specific on the scene information" because it will contradict the Official God's Honest Truth(tm) timeline some bullsh*t investigative panel will slap together later? Not that that's ever happened before... *cough*

That said, this whole thing is ridiculous. We see this kind of knee-jerk, irrational response to every negative event that hits the presses and the political circuit. Hey, guess what, India? I'm pretty sure terrorism existed before Twitter. And though I'm not a terrorist myself, I'm also reasonably confident that terrorists also use things like e-mail, cell phones, SMS messaging, and the like. Hell, they may even code secret messages into those lewd scribblings in the men's room at 7-11. Maybe we should ban e-mail, cell phones, and 7-11 restrooms because terrorists "may be reading" things from those sources as well.

To India and every other government: get a clue. If you don't know what went wrong, just say so. If you don't know how to fix it yet, just say so. We'll forgive you. But stop blaming things you don't understand for problems you were too incompetent to foresee or solve quickly. I know it's great to scream out buzzwords in an attempt to sound smart and get public support, but it just makes you look like a clueless tool in the end.

One final point: In a situation like this, who are the real "terrorists"? The attacks on Mumbai scared the hell out of a lot of people, but does this kind of "solution" improve the situation any? It just looks like sowing more fear among the masses. Beware the real terrorists, my friends. They scare you with buzzwords like "terrorism", "child pornography", "war on drugs", and "economic shock" while they quietly reach over and snatch away your freedoms and your dignity.